rundropslide's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass http://tfl.nu/mda2
  Replies (17) Good night (2951) Bad night (2468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it. http://tfl.nu/80hm
  Replies (9) Good night (2266) Bad night (1141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them. http://tfl.nu/f4br
  Replies (22) Good night (5549) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful http://tfl.nu/jdk0
  Replies (19) Good night (3799) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?" http://tfl.nu/quj5
  Replies (15) Good night (7145) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there. http://tfl.nu/q6gx
  Replies (30) Good night (4937) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card http://tfl.nu/10du
  Replies (15) Good night (4127) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far" http://tfl.nu/dqcq
  Replies (14) Good night (2316) Bad night (1273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud. http://tfl.nu/mlmc
  Replies (20) Good night (8783) Bad night (1222)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college? http://tfl.nu/03bi
  Replies (13) Good night (4487) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing. http://tfl.nu/vk7w
  Replies (6) Good night (4321) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you http://tfl.nu/ku1m
  Replies (19) Good night (4556) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding. http://tfl.nu/t3vj
  Replies (6) Good night (5275) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar. http://tfl.nu/mv1g
  Replies (10) Good night (3424) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table http://tfl.nu/i2oz
  Replies (25) Good night (1374) Bad night (4052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes" http://tfl.nu/1j0f
  Replies (18) Good night (1716) Bad night (5896)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face. http://tfl.nu/pof4
  Replies (7) Good night (2923) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop. http://tfl.nu/0sxf
  Replies (4) Good night (3355) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good. http://tfl.nu/wigs
  Replies (9) Good night (1999) Bad night (3864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties. http://tfl.nu/2id3
  Replies (24) Good night (9901) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/8o9v
  Replies (11) Good night (3305) Bad night (1785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes http://tfl.nu/rvmv
  Replies (13) Good night (954) Bad night (3883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid. (604): HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES http://tfl.nu/zs3p
  Replies (26) Good night (5042) Bad night (1223)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley.. http://tfl.nu/q4d8
  Replies (13) Good night (3319) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets http://tfl.nu/sjge
  Replies (17) Good night (4818) Bad night (1458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for? http://tfl.nu/nqhg
  Replies (9) Good night (2688) Bad night (1107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time. http://tfl.nu/ujel
  Replies (10) Good night (5652) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker. http://tfl.nu/r3lm
  Replies (18) Good night (4755) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him http://tfl.nu/slwx
  Replies (12) Good night (3957) Bad night (1488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered... http://tfl.nu/skgw
  Replies (7) Good night (1092) Bad night (4578)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on." http://tfl.nu/t6j5
  Replies (2) Good night (4933) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows. http://tfl.nu/2hzy
  Replies (8) Good night (1027) Bad night (3863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was... http://tfl.nu/7mx1
  Replies (50) Good night (11115) Bad night (2398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life. http://tfl.nu/ydnu
  Replies (5) Good night (797) Bad night (3355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad. http://tfl.nu/4fga
  Replies (11) Good night (3109) Bad night (1900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content? http://tfl.nu/u3hm
  Replies (8) Good night (2589) Bad night (1153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them... http://tfl.nu/ior4
  Replies (23) Good night (5211) Bad night (1401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful. http://tfl.nu/q2qd
  Replies (22) Good night (9383) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her? http://tfl.nu/n019
  Replies (15) Good night (7593) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations http://tfl.nu/ujgo
  Replies (13) Good night (894) Bad night (4657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this. http://tfl.nu/29p7
  Replies (13) Good night (4227) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR! http://tfl.nu/4gxu
  Replies (10) Good night (3132) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner. http://tfl.nu/g7ai
  Replies (5) Good night (6027) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one? http://tfl.nu/k16y
  Replies (15) Good night (8671) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son http://tfl.nu/qxal
  Replies (7) Good night (863) Bad night (2701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying. http://tfl.nu/89ja
  Replies (10) Good night (3030) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate. http://tfl.nu/wnmg
  Replies (11) Good night (869) Bad night (4880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country http://tfl.nu/39z8
  Replies (16) Good night (4717) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson. http://tfl.nu/yssr
  Replies (9) Good night (1443) Bad night (2543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further. http://tfl.nu/4sxq
  Replies (5) Good night (2400) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out http://tfl.nu/rbnc
  Replies (13) Good night (1325) Bad night (3094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps http://tfl.nu/vrde
  Replies (4) Good night (2923) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well http://tfl.nu/2njp
  Replies (9) Good night (3567) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing. http://tfl.nu/ut8a
  Replies (4) Good night (3152) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis? http://tfl.nu/tizi
  Replies (14) Good night (3826) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank http://tfl.nu/3d4y
  Replies (10) Good night (845) Bad night (3819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked http://tfl.nu/8tmt
  Replies (11) Good night (3842) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh. http://tfl.nu/s2cz
  Replies (40) Good night (4225) Bad night (1144)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money" http://tfl.nu/7mg6
  Replies (13) Good night (4887) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut http://tfl.nu/x9ek
  Replies (14) Good night (3581) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse. http://tfl.nu/g20v
  Replies (5) Good night (3845) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know. http://tfl.nu/7et1
  Replies (12) Good night (2357) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit http://tfl.nu/ybzi
  Replies (7) Good night (3564) Bad night (1746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me. http://tfl.nu/k6i1
  Replies (4) Good night (3811) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate. http://tfl.nu/1fh9
  Replies (23) Good night (969) Bad night (5248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke. http://tfl.nu/1rx3
  Replies (8) Good night (6809) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars. http://tfl.nu/ussa
  Replies (37) Good night (2067) Bad night (7613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised... http://tfl.nu/krhx
  Replies (14) Good night (5554) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend http://tfl.nu/u7rd
  Replies (8) Good night (5097) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night. http://tfl.nu/zl6t
  Replies (7) Good night (4475) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style. http://tfl.nu/lnre
  Replies (30) Good night (10681) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her http://tfl.nu/4r4o
  Replies (11) Good night (5572) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job. http://tfl.nu/z804
  Replies (12) Good night (915) Bad night (3762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf. http://tfl.nu/hkre
  Replies (62) Good night (1476) Bad night (6074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night. http://tfl.nu/m82p
  Replies (9) Good night (3152) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..

  (1-318): View more from Louisiana

  what?how do you know?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday.. (1-318): what?how do you know? (318): it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet. http://tfl.nu/gg1h
  Replies (10) Good night (1189) Bad night (4551)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  His apartment number was 69. I had to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): His apartment number was 69. I had to. http://tfl.nu/cn9s
  Replies (22) Good night (7985) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face http://tfl.nu/wyrl
  Replies (6) Good night (4959) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind. http://tfl.nu/3qxe
  Replies (6) Good night (1299) Bad night (2390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r. http://tfl.nu/crq7
  Replies (4) Good night (2705) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...

  (805): View more from California

  i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday... (805): i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it" http://tfl.nu/3fjc
  Replies (22) Good night (6539) Bad night (1526)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper. http://tfl.nu/yyzx
  Replies (14) Good night (6113) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome http://tfl.nu/0ypv
  Replies (11) Good night (1571) Bad night (3966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat. http://tfl.nu/tf28
  Replies (7) Good night (1275) Bad night (3406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99... http://tfl.nu/p4eu
  Replies (32) Good night (1649) Bad night (6957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general. http://tfl.nu/8yi1
  Replies (9) Good night (4740) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in. http://tfl.nu/8v36
  Replies (11) Good night (1374) Bad night (2643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk. http://tfl.nu/el36
  Replies (12) Good night (6603) Bad night (1154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages." http://tfl.nu/1o45
  Replies (24) Good night (1559) Bad night (14224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur. http://tfl.nu/9vxg
  Replies (11) Good night (5674) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills http://tfl.nu/tv9l
  Replies (6) Good night (4058) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle. http://tfl.nu/gqi2
  Replies (8) Good night (5056) Bad night (1174)
• Favorite

  (754): View more from Florida

  I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (754): I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris. http://tfl.nu/pib9
  Replies (8) Good night (4714) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records. http://tfl.nu/e6fm
  Replies (7) Good night (3520) Bad night (1622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me. http://tfl.nu/a0xa
  Replies (19) Good night (2229) Bad night (5822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain. http://tfl.nu/ncmc
  Replies (9) Good night (4385) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes. http://tfl.nu/agxg
  Replies (14) Good night (1142) Bad night (4330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs" http://tfl.nu/8pn3
  Replies (14) Good night (6417) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. . http://tfl.nu/zh9v
  Replies (24) Good night (7437) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Totally get that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend. (1-248): Totally get that. http://tfl.nu/ho2w
  Replies (13) Good night (6021) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position" http://tfl.nu/0g0v
  Replies (8) Good night (4294) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm. http://tfl.nu/ttig
  Replies (6) Good night (788) Bad night (3262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded. http://tfl.nu/84co
  Replies (10) Good night (3911) Bad night (1472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container.... http://tfl.nu/xfht
  Replies (16) Good night (1504) Bad night (3211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games http://tfl.nu/74pd
  Replies (18) Good night (4085) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky. http://tfl.nu/on0b
  Replies (17) Good night (5541) Bad night (1375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man. http://tfl.nu/hhwz
  Replies (17) Good night (987) Bad night (5957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream http://tfl.nu/eta2
  Replies (28) Good night (2534) Bad night (6895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him.. http://tfl.nu/ejw3
  Replies (10) Good night (1317) Bad night (3481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level http://tfl.nu/5gsk
  Replies (8) Good night (2853) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ? http://tfl.nu/syfm
  Replies (10) Good night (634) Bad night (3990)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling http://tfl.nu/a8k8
  Replies (18) Good night (2101) Bad night (3677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something http://tfl.nu/o4s2
  Replies (7) Good night (3803) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where. http://tfl.nu/my2r
  Replies (16) Good night (1315) Bad night (6659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand. http://tfl.nu/ms96
  Replies (10) Good night (4341) Bad night (1115)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is http://tfl.nu/i6zj
  Replies (13) Good night (2710) Bad night (1530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us? http://tfl.nu/e7z7
  Replies (13) Good night (5035) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information. http://tfl.nu/61w8
  Replies (6) Good night (4502) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time.. http://tfl.nu/irbs
  Replies (6) Good night (1307) Bad night (4224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever. http://tfl.nu/k2hn
  Replies (90) Good night (1633) Bad night (24204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Not even marginally surprised

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family (812): Not even marginally surprised http://tfl.nu/oyoq
  Replies (8) Good night (3220) Bad night (1872)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/v7b4
  Replies (16) Good night (1415) Bad night (7265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love http://tfl.nu/m0fg
  Replies (15) Good night (5332) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question. http://tfl.nu/v6vq
  Replies (11) Good night (884) Bad night (4466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors. http://tfl.nu/cath
  Replies (10) Good night (10961) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself http://tfl.nu/03x0
  Replies (9) Good night (963) Bad night (3585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m
  Replies (55) Good night (26509) Bad night (2269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY http://tfl.nu/b20j
  Replies (14) Good night (6679) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda. http://tfl.nu/2f76
  Replies (8) Good night (3921) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card http://tfl.nu/pv0m
  Replies (8) Good night (4175) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time http://tfl.nu/e9de
  Replies (12) Good night (783) Bad night (5850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her http://tfl.nu/pixb
  Replies (6) Good night (735) Bad night (3767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore

  (209): View more from California

  You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore (209): You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect? http://tfl.nu/4y0y
  Replies (20) Good night (1099) Bad night (3852)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach http://tfl.nu/gl5r
  Replies (3) Good night (4234) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator. http://tfl.nu/65uw
  Replies (15) Good night (1306) Bad night (4327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  And to think..we used to do everything sober...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): And to think..we used to do everything sober... http://tfl.nu/tbey
  Replies (7) Good night (4671) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved. http://tfl.nu/zste
  Replies (20) Good night (9557) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  i said good morning to each one of his abs personally

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): i said good morning to each one of his abs personally http://tfl.nu/1e7y
  Replies (11) Good night (6797) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion http://tfl.nu/iqkp
  Replies (3) Good night (849) Bad night (3072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs. http://tfl.nu/di07
  Replies (8) Good night (3532) Bad night (1324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them. http://tfl.nu/l7o1
  Replies (20) Good night (1145) Bad night (5971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm? http://tfl.nu/94o0
  Replies (11) Good night (1508) Bad night (3322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came http://tfl.nu/4ft9
  Replies (16) Good night (7000) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/5cs7
  Replies (16) Good night (1111) Bad night (3522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street. http://tfl.nu/tq30
  Replies (7) Good night (2908) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated. http://tfl.nu/0c6p
  Replies (15) Good night (982) Bad night (4228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor. http://tfl.nu/i3nt
  Replies (5) Good night (890) Bad night (3281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything http://tfl.nu/egks
  Replies (10) Good night (3493) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all. http://tfl.nu/ms6m
  Replies (3) Good night (4374) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive. http://tfl.nu/9t3w
  Replies (13) Good night (4321) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment. http://tfl.nu/v3fi
  Replies (11) Good night (4305) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (343): View more from Ontario

  His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (343): His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted http://tfl.nu/gnt2
  Replies (10) Good night (4730) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore? http://tfl.nu/vjlb
  Replies (12) Good night (907) Bad night (3097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working http://tfl.nu/ls32
  Replies (7) Good night (1005) Bad night (3398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+31): Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing http://tfl.nu/rk5x
  Replies (7) Good night (4173) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): We're sending your burrito through the mail slot. http://tfl.nu/pddr
  Replies (4) Good night (3736) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  New game: find the sober person in Tbell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): New game: find the sober person in Tbell http://tfl.nu/sv6g
  Replies (8) Good night (4489) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life http://tfl.nu/drtj
  Replies (6) Good night (6136) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex http://tfl.nu/jq0b
  Replies (12) Good night (7524) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her? http://tfl.nu/wt2f
  Replies (31) Good night (1677) Bad night (3928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm never eating chinese again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night. (215): i'm never eating chinese again. http://tfl.nu/0tg8
  Replies (11) Good night (716) Bad night (4298)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis http://tfl.nu/zmb9
  Replies (21) Good night (983) Bad night (3450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7. http://tfl.nu/xclk
  Replies (7) Good night (3122) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI. http://tfl.nu/qdh3
  Replies (11) Good night (994) Bad night (3722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me http://tfl.nu/d25d
  Replies (8) Good night (3265) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room. http://tfl.nu/3ukp
  Replies (28) Good night (9606) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/2xfe
  Replies (34) Good night (1642) Bad night (9718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes. http://tfl.nu/niyo
  Replies (4) Good night (3832) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  when are you leaving homes?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I had a sex dream about Oprah.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  go back to sleep

  (302): View more from Delaware

  dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): when are you leaving homes? (610): it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51 (302): I had a sex dream about Oprah. (610): go back to sleep (302): dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah. http://tfl.nu/idf1
  Replies (16) Good night (1264) Bad night (5188)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down http://tfl.nu/e11q
  Replies (6) Good night (4088) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend. http://tfl.nu/xojm
  Replies (18) Good night (4759) Bad night (2060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict http://tfl.nu/am6o
  Replies (11) Good night (2341) Bad night (2003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order http://tfl.nu/64q0
  Replies (11) Good night (1155) Bad night (3945)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does. http://tfl.nu/xwvv
  Replies (13) Good night (6329) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone.. http://tfl.nu/l9l0
  Replies (10) Good night (929) Bad night (3283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30" http://tfl.nu/oadk
  Replies (9) Good night (5732) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix. http://tfl.nu/3okt
  Replies (13) Good night (714) Bad night (4988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower. http://tfl.nu/xm1k
  Replies (16) Good night (1826) Bad night (3647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored. http://tfl.nu/z508
  Replies (5) Good night (2770) Bad night (1307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened. http://tfl.nu/7jhi
  Replies (14) Good night (3190) Bad night (1594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts" http://tfl.nu/ong1
  Replies (12) Good night (1754) Bad night (4998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce http://tfl.nu/x8zt
  Replies (11) Good night (3544) Bad night (1038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years. http://tfl.nu/s9g1
  Replies (8) Good night (932) Bad night (4907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  I'm in awe of how selfish that is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking. (1-519): I'm in awe of how selfish that is. http://tfl.nu/dlh3
  Replies (10) Good night (3491) Bad night (1427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend. http://tfl.nu/lag5
  Replies (9) Good night (5409) Bad night (997)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches. http://tfl.nu/xanx
  Replies (10) Good night (3358) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself. http://tfl.nu/i4wo
  Replies (14) Good night (1650) Bad night (5623)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time. http://tfl.nu/dyz5
  Replies (20) Good night (4895) Bad night (1424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/d944
  Replies (23) Good night (5381) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention. http://tfl.nu/8c9n
  Replies (14) Good night (1352) Bad night (3083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it. http://tfl.nu/klgn
  Replies (8) Good night (6062) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name... http://tfl.nu/e8r1
  Replies (18) Good night (865) Bad night (4456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever. http://tfl.nu/sgnv
  Replies (9) Good night (4651) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it http://tfl.nu/dcde
  Replies (5) Good night (2859) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it.. http://tfl.nu/x7yt
  Replies (20) Good night (1435) Bad night (5826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation. http://tfl.nu/fqo6
  Replies (11) Good night (3501) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach http://tfl.nu/g758
  Replies (14) Good night (695) Bad night (6656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons." http://tfl.nu/jfl4
  Replies (10) Good night (5140) Bad night (1336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house http://tfl.nu/t2gc
  Replies (3) Good night (3163) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation. http://tfl.nu/l508
  Replies (6) Good night (1633) Bad night (3301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT. http://tfl.nu/u1ny
  Replies (26) Good night (5347) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already. http://tfl.nu/ugv0
  Replies (7) Good night (3697) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal http://tfl.nu/oaxp
  Replies (35) Good night (1602) Bad night (3970)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today. http://tfl.nu/g96b
  Replies (10) Good night (3323) Bad night (1295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow. http://tfl.nu/0l2h
  Replies (6) Good night (3625) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously. http://tfl.nu/epia
  Replies (10) Good night (713) Bad night (5150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot. http://tfl.nu/icc0
  Replies (7) Good night (3078) Bad night (1028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like. http://tfl.nu/m82g
  Replies (6) Good night (2709) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila. http://tfl.nu/yi5v
  Replies (13) Good night (1976) Bad night (5857)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it. http://tfl.nu/tlpk
  Replies (9) Good night (3665) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college. http://tfl.nu/hsa9
  Replies (4) Good night (3066) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me. http://tfl.nu/t7d5
  Replies (19) Good night (1433) Bad night (5421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head http://tfl.nu/hdz6
  Replies (23) Good night (7709) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this. http://tfl.nu/uew9
  Replies (12) Good night (3749) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun. http://tfl.nu/fiqf
  Replies (10) Good night (4288) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex http://tfl.nu/a38e
  Replies (14) Good night (952) Bad night (4277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice http://tfl.nu/sbu6
  Replies (16) Good night (4565) Bad night (1277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes? http://tfl.nu/t0sq
  Replies (17) Good night (3344) Bad night (1736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen. http://tfl.nu/rhei
  Replies (27) Good night (1386) Bad night (6326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines. http://tfl.nu/9k5b
  Replies (12) Good night (4617) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me. http://tfl.nu/oade
  Replies (4) Good night (848) Bad night (3344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Good. You are like the clit whisperer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): Good. You are like the clit whisperer. http://tfl.nu/ycvo
  Replies (26) Good night (6600) Bad night (508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed http://tfl.nu/yzqp
  Replies (9) Good night (946) Bad night (2994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account http://tfl.nu/ufbc
  Replies (20) Good night (5252) Bad night (1147)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this http://tfl.nu/jsty
  Replies (17) Good night (4854) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time http://tfl.nu/hxad
  Replies (19) Good night (5361) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen. http://tfl.nu/umfy
  Replies (11) Good night (5016) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex. http://tfl.nu/3z60
  Replies (20) Good night (1525) Bad night (3829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love. http://tfl.nu/cwg6
  Replies (20) Good night (3621) Bad night (1306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night. http://tfl.nu/esr4
  Replies (6) Good night (898) Bad night (3195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care http://tfl.nu/lqt5
  Replies (7) Good night (3735) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait. http://tfl.nu/6f6p
  Replies (18) Good night (954) Bad night (5124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear. http://tfl.nu/48r4
  Replies (14) Good night (3307) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits http://tfl.nu/yqhn
  Replies (15) Good night (881) Bad night (3913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside http://tfl.nu/d6yu
  Replies (13) Good night (9168) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate. http://tfl.nu/xbio
  Replies (17) Good night (1133) Bad night (3877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT. http://tfl.nu/gdsf
  Replies (6) Good night (5049) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes" http://tfl.nu/05z7
  Replies (15) Good night (4934) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one....... http://tfl.nu/w37i
  Replies (67) Good night (2503) Bad night (8884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B. http://tfl.nu/8gac
  Replies (22) Good night (955) Bad night (5925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song. http://tfl.nu/huqy
  Replies (10) Good night (4576) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg... http://tfl.nu/nasy
  Replies (44) Good night (2461) Bad night (6337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (787): 1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while http://tfl.nu/u6qo
  Replies (17) Good night (1189) Bad night (7042)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight. http://tfl.nu/mywq
  Replies (14) Good night (5476) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.

  (1-916): View more from California

  your optimism is becoming unhealthy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day. (1-916): your optimism is becoming unhealthy http://tfl.nu/nzqt
  Replies (9) Good night (4235) Bad night (1340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle. http://tfl.nu/lk8z
  Replies (25) Good night (5830) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS! http://tfl.nu/o380
  Replies (49) Good night (3065) Bad night (5032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes? http://tfl.nu/wyhr
  Replies (11) Good night (1489) Bad night (3955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days. http://tfl.nu/quks
  Replies (42) Good night (5558) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation... http://tfl.nu/uas5
  Replies (24) Good night (4477) Bad night (1354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  then she stuck her tongue in my ass

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): then she stuck her tongue in my ass (1-515): I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her? http://tfl.nu/wzc5
  Replies (18) Good night (3644) Bad night (1963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish. http://tfl.nu/e99m
  Replies (6) Good night (831) Bad night (3378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain. http://tfl.nu/121u
  Replies (3) Good night (2185) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this. http://tfl.nu/7hr5
  Replies (6) Good night (3170) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon. http://tfl.nu/t979
  Replies (40) Good night (8315) Bad night (2348)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick" http://tfl.nu/f333
  Replies (18) Good night (3812) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar. http://tfl.nu/vsf5
  Replies (9) Good night (3453) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (555): View more from

  My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (555): My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique http://tfl.nu/mm4o
  Replies (17) Good night (4377) Bad night (1339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago" http://tfl.nu/h89t
  Replies (46) Good night (1991) Bad night (7781)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year" http://tfl.nu/hf6v
  Replies (9) Good night (1130) Bad night (6212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me. http://tfl.nu/hog8
  Replies (3) Good night (909) Bad night (2348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself http://tfl.nu/rqfe
  Replies (29) Good night (2041) Bad night (4204)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us http://tfl.nu/zowi
  Replies (4) Good night (4318) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly. http://tfl.nu/sulv
  Replies (20) Good night (6187) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going http://tfl.nu/twm1
  Replies (7) Good night (839) Bad night (4536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!" http://tfl.nu/8xfk
  Replies (11) Good night (13072) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky. http://tfl.nu/5xyb
  Replies (31) Good night (14769) Bad night (1594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot

  (313): View more from Michigan

  He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot (313): He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all http://tfl.nu/6st3
  Replies (23) Good night (7557) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  youre welcome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.." (1-201): youre welcome http://tfl.nu/sjha
  Replies (10) Good night (5594) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building. http://tfl.nu/5zu2
  Replies (19) Good night (3993) Bad night (966)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok" http://tfl.nu/q772
  Replies (19) Good night (3994) Bad night (1485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex.... http://tfl.nu/n100
  Replies (15) Good night (2994) Bad night (1508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i have one question about last night

  (646): View more from New York

  if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i have one question about last night (646): if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain http://tfl.nu/69sr
  Replies (4) Good night (4203) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated. http://tfl.nu/sxgj
  Replies (4) Good night (756) Bad night (2354)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more. http://tfl.nu/i8a4
  Replies (13) Good night (3134) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots. http://tfl.nu/tjxa
  Replies (1) Good night (779) Bad night (2630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent. http://tfl.nu/g68o
  Replies (7) Good night (1441) Bad night (3728)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated http://tfl.nu/xvfw
  Replies (10) Good night (630) Bad night (3011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT?? http://tfl.nu/2vmn
  Replies (13) Good night (5712) Bad night (1703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her? http://tfl.nu/v1vy
  Replies (8) Good night (3048) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Why am I even shocked you're doing this....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n (617): Why am I even shocked you're doing this.... http://tfl.nu/y7yp
  Replies (11) Good night (6019) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again. http://tfl.nu/7o6u
  Replies (8) Good night (5392) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time. http://tfl.nu/1zig
  Replies (23) Good night (4871) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat... http://tfl.nu/xzfb
  Replies (13) Good night (910) Bad night (3104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot. http://tfl.nu/hytm
  Replies (6) Good night (3739) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut http://tfl.nu/7c6t
  Replies (19) Good night (5578) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again. http://tfl.nu/0xdw
  Replies (14) Good night (658) Bad night (4172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me. http://tfl.nu/6zni
  Replies (28) Good night (1736) Bad night (5293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something. http://tfl.nu/5sjh
  Replies (21) Good night (4902) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man. http://tfl.nu/hm6h
  Replies (4) Good night (3262) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance http://tfl.nu/8uw4
  Replies (38) Good night (1866) Bad night (9774)
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars.... http://tfl.nu/aa23
  Replies (15) Good night (1168) Bad night (8093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night. http://tfl.nu/mfsu
  Replies (17) Good night (4900) Bad night (866)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was. http://tfl.nu/20o3
  Replies (6) Good night (3622) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas http://tfl.nu/3mgi
  Replies (9) Good night (866) Bad night (2773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something. http://tfl.nu/5hhc
  Replies (16) Good night (4477) Bad night (1791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials." http://tfl.nu/vm6j
  Replies (20) Good night (8713) Bad night (1442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music. http://tfl.nu/9pnm
  Replies (31) Good night (7673) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that. (905): I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory. http://tfl.nu/dnea
  Replies (8) Good night (4617) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on. http://tfl.nu/x1xg
  Replies (21) Good night (6855) Bad night (1457)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me. http://tfl.nu/bb44
  Replies (23) Good night (1412) Bad night (5208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Why did you put hummus in my pillow case? http://tfl.nu/0gk1
  Replies (9) Good night (1322) Bad night (3016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again. http://tfl.nu/chm7
  Replies (10) Good night (858) Bad night (3686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night http://tfl.nu/pds9
  Replies (9) Good night (4194) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea http://tfl.nu/8a1h
  Replies (1) Good night (917) Bad night (3174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets". http://tfl.nu/227d
  Replies (16) Good night (1031) Bad night (4348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again. http://tfl.nu/dbiz
  Replies (8) Good night (4229) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I? (1-425): you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time http://tfl.nu/bm15
  Replies (5) Good night (4544) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome. http://tfl.nu/zzpw
  Replies (25) Good night (6598) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part. http://tfl.nu/8pmc
  Replies (11) Good night (1058) Bad night (3263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple." http://tfl.nu/0gie
  Replies (4) Good night (5147) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury http://tfl.nu/7ksy
  Replies (17) Good night (5309) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again http://tfl.nu/1sak
  Replies (15) Good night (1044) Bad night (4688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party? http://tfl.nu/4j0b
  Replies (7) Good night (4176) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask. http://tfl.nu/6wlk
  Replies (6) Good night (2733) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american http://tfl.nu/02ni
  Replies (193) Good night (2923) Bad night (15410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers. http://tfl.nu/kck1
  Replies (6) Good night (2136) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate http://tfl.nu/io2z
  Replies (20) Good night (1176) Bad night (3289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs. http://tfl.nu/7j97
  Replies (25) Good night (5617) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood http://tfl.nu/vfy0
  Replies (12) Good night (8998) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning. http://tfl.nu/8wyf
  Replies (15) Good night (6613) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir. http://tfl.nu/enui
  Replies (18) Good night (5287) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date... http://tfl.nu/r091
  Replies (10) Good night (1120) Bad night (3643)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going. http://tfl.nu/db5s
  Replies (20) Good night (4571) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex.. http://tfl.nu/6q5t
  Replies (14) Good night (936) Bad night (3124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college. http://tfl.nu/okdu
  Replies (6) Good night (3906) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?! http://tfl.nu/h7d0
  Replies (20) Good night (7762) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming. http://tfl.nu/nho3
  Replies (12) Good night (6793) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand. http://tfl.nu/k6dt
  Replies (26) Good night (6653) Bad night (1225)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about http://tfl.nu/o03a
  Replies (9) Good night (6576) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason... http://tfl.nu/n9s7
  Replies (17) Good night (5070) Bad night (1796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front. http://tfl.nu/mrrz
  Replies (12) Good night (4478) Bad night (1442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower.... http://tfl.nu/5ddp
  Replies (14) Good night (1066) Bad night (4147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/lyuy
  Replies (1) Good night (794) Bad night (2853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ...... wtf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Where'd you guys get the alcohol from? (1-816): Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower. (816): ...... wtf. http://tfl.nu/k9gx
  Replies (25) Good night (7145) Bad night (1005)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/r11o
  Replies (12) Good night (3058) Bad night (966)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/n1jt
  Replies (2) Good night (3591) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/ev36
  Replies (9) Good night (1307) Bad night (3395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head??? http://tfl.nu/gwk9
  Replies (30) Good night (4535) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store http://tfl.nu/dcxn
  Replies (7) Good night (3262) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go. http://tfl.nu/vo4f
  Replies (11) Good night (679) Bad night (3088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two http://tfl.nu/3vhn
  Replies (6) Good night (3159) Bad night (1315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring. http://tfl.nu/m3s5
  Replies (5) Good night (833) Bad night (4289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better. http://tfl.nu/sd76
  Replies (11) Good night (4714) Bad night (1217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab. http://tfl.nu/3osp
  Replies (7) Good night (3823) Bad night (1127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes http://tfl.nu/crfp
  Replies (15) Good night (2043) Bad night (4282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill.. http://tfl.nu/sqyp
  Replies (5) Good night (4105) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7 http://tfl.nu/xypt
  Replies (13) Good night (6161) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left. http://tfl.nu/3kuf
  Replies (16) Good night (4946) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like. http://tfl.nu/d99s
  Replies (17) Good night (1270) Bad night (5426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from? http://tfl.nu/xs7j
  Replies (7) Good night (1494) Bad night (2899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement. http://tfl.nu/zd8a
  Replies (16) Good night (5435) Bad night (1284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice. http://tfl.nu/6cq1
  Replies (9) Good night (1457) Bad night (6669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter. http://tfl.nu/2ees
  Replies (26) Good night (1492) Bad night (16015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): For future references, orgasms clear sinuses. http://tfl.nu/b2l7
  Replies (24) Good night (7562) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved. http://tfl.nu/jbvc
  Replies (30) Good night (11960) Bad night (1361)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?" http://tfl.nu/t9pp
  Replies (7) Good night (4950) Bad night (1300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice http://tfl.nu/slww
  Replies (24) Good night (6907) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart http://tfl.nu/4qqp
  Replies (19) Good night (7551) Bad night (1415)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted http://tfl.nu/q55a
  Replies (11) Good night (5409) Bad night (2092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook? http://tfl.nu/pdxj
  Replies (25) Good night (927) Bad night (3498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face. http://tfl.nu/tz6f
  Replies (7) Good night (2528) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Hope the move went well! I'll miss you! (832): you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there. http://tfl.nu/n7dn
  Replies (21) Good night (1317) Bad night (1280)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

  (917): View more from New York City

  I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God. (917): I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice. http://tfl.nu/jdh1
  Replies (122) Good night (3085) Bad night (15147)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her http://tfl.nu/iw7s
  Replies (13) Good night (1274) Bad night (3963)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose? http://tfl.nu/qulw
  Replies (112) Good night (1083) Bad night (15954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man. http://tfl.nu/3qrw
  Replies (8) Good night (4922) Bad night (1745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper". http://tfl.nu/bpaf
  Replies (10) Good night (1142) Bad night (4084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her. http://tfl.nu/1rnx
  Replies (10) Good night (5894) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again... http://tfl.nu/jy0r
  Replies (18) Good night (4742) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend. http://tfl.nu/4wvr
  Replies (9) Good night (3806) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense http://tfl.nu/p2yr
  Replies (26) Good night (8237) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE http://tfl.nu/0vv1
  Replies (71) Good night (5480) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Her brother is deaf.

  (214): View more from Texas

  no wonder she was so good with her hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Her brother is deaf. (214): no wonder she was so good with her hands http://tfl.nu/zbzq
  Replies (6) Good night (5358) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex http://tfl.nu/5t79
  Replies (17) Good night (5672) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster http://tfl.nu/9o1b
  Replies (14) Good night (939) Bad night (4005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this http://tfl.nu/08vw
  Replies (40) Good night (1634) Bad night (6383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  did u get his digits?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): did u get his digits? (201): yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone... http://tfl.nu/pvtx
  Replies (8) Good night (4898) Bad night (841)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it. http://tfl.nu/6k4w
  Replies (18) Good night (4854) Bad night (1189)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great http://tfl.nu/5yg0
  Replies (8) Good night (1255) Bad night (3341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  "Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): "Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood. http://tfl.nu/hwa3
  Replies (18) Good night (1296) Bad night (4053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You guys make me sad

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You misspelled jealous there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone. (540): You guys make me sad (703): You misspelled jealous there http://tfl.nu/wtst
  Replies (23) Good night (11521) Bad night (1215)
• Favorite

  (365): View more from

  Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (365): Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine http://tfl.nu/mm7j
  Replies (13) Good night (4519) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free. http://tfl.nu/5dnh
  Replies (17) Good night (3515) Bad night (1297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning http://tfl.nu/jaay
  Replies (12) Good night (1619) Bad night (6582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls. http://tfl.nu/q9cr
  Replies (8) Good night (1122) Bad night (5352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers" http://tfl.nu/yspu
  Replies (6) Good night (4898) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester http://tfl.nu/u653
  Replies (10) Good night (9360) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism http://tfl.nu/8f4x
  Replies (4) Good night (3271) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting http://tfl.nu/vcgc
  Replies (6) Good night (4716) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name. http://tfl.nu/cvf5
  Replies (18) Good night (6362) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years. http://tfl.nu/sw0p
  Replies (4) Good night (712) Bad night (3254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992. http://tfl.nu/3pqb
  Replies (17) Good night (711) Bad night (3303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty http://tfl.nu/c438
  Replies (22) Good night (5786) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway. http://tfl.nu/rhuh
  Replies (13) Good night (526) Bad night (2025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out. http://tfl.nu/syqz
  Replies (47) Good night (572) Bad night (5119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college? http://tfl.nu/er5p
  Replies (19) Good night (3980) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs. http://tfl.nu/nz73
  Replies (13) Good night (7803) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation. http://tfl.nu/lz4o
  Replies (17) Good night (3985) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  You tried to poop in the sink last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): You tried to poop in the sink last night. http://tfl.nu/6e7d
  Replies (18) Good night (1221) Bad night (4217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity http://tfl.nu/heka
  Replies (12) Good night (1147) Bad night (3656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard. http://tfl.nu/diwn
  Replies (15) Good night (4441) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic" http://tfl.nu/1wpy
  Replies (30) Good night (2326) Bad night (2937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games? http://tfl.nu/dghf
  Replies (21) Good night (1398) Bad night (2949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Could a canary swim?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Last time I ever let you pet sit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Could a canary swim? (952): Last time I ever let you pet sit. http://tfl.nu/tcs0
  Replies (10) Good night (598) Bad night (3114)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat. http://tfl.nu/yzbr
  Replies (19) Good night (12393) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.

  (425): View more from Washington

  'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor. (425): 'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas http://tfl.nu/4u1g
  Replies (9) Good night (1799) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (587): View more from Alberta

  His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?

  (587): View more from Alberta

  She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (587): His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl? (780): You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus? (587): She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass. http://tfl.nu/i4m5
  Replies (68) Good night (2183) Bad night (4381)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time http://tfl.nu/1urp
  Replies (40) Good night (6605) Bad night (1514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  What's wrong?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Pussy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): What's wrong? (1-503): Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans. (503): Pussy. http://tfl.nu/sltt
  Replies (18) Good night (787) Bad night (2140)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you. http://tfl.nu/o9a4
  Replies (3) Good night (1235) Bad night (2927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die. http://tfl.nu/rrxi
  Replies (13) Good night (5782) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape. http://tfl.nu/to8s
  Replies (15) Good night (4539) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list. http://tfl.nu/jt04
  Replies (6) Good night (3749) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of. http://tfl.nu/16vh
  Replies (23) Good night (4150) Bad night (1494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often http://tfl.nu/iv13
  Replies (25) Good night (4277) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (418): View more from Quebec

  You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (418): You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry" http://tfl.nu/nwle
  Replies (11) Good night (6736) Bad night (928)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home? http://tfl.nu/2ss6
  Replies (29) Good night (5417) Bad night (2104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level. http://tfl.nu/s74q
  Replies (5) Good night (2837) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now. http://tfl.nu/5jdl
  Replies (13) Good night (5736) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body http://tfl.nu/esoz
  Replies (17) Good night (3247) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): and on the fourth day, god made foam parties. http://tfl.nu/nmea
  Replies (21) Good night (4916) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around. (1-570): It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am. http://tfl.nu/ckp3
  Replies (8) Good night (4711) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party http://tfl.nu/gmt6
  Replies (10) Good night (5790) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle. http://tfl.nu/kelj
  Replies (33) Good night (4750) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right? http://tfl.nu/h1i3
  Replies (7) Good night (4110) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina". http://tfl.nu/tnih
  Replies (17) Good night (7541) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
•