Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Loading more great texts...