will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.