Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.