I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I enjoy the company of your penis
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.