So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I made him laugh his dick is mine
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.