Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I made him laugh his dick is mine
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?