I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I made him laugh his dick is mine
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going