I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.