He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.