Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back