Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch