Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...