Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .