for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.