I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am