next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake