I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late