Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!