Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (636)

Last Night in Missouri (636)

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(636): View more from Missouri

I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.

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(636): I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair. http://tfl.nu/7cwm

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2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?

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Please tell me those aren't related.

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I made rice.

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(636): 2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap? (314): Please tell me those aren't related. (636): I made rice. http://tfl.nu/b642

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She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.

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(636): She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet. http://tfl.nu/ogh1

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They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.

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(636): They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited. http://tfl.nu/jbhp

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Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.

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(636): Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that. http://tfl.nu/6860

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Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.

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(636): Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy. http://tfl.nu/5193

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On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.

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(636): On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013. http://tfl.nu/kcos

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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.

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(636): Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present. http://tfl.nu/1iee

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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you

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(636): I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you http://tfl.nu/1ybh

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In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.

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(636): In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something. http://tfl.nu/dpws

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Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.

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(636): Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year. http://tfl.nu/cp8d

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A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week

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(636): A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week http://tfl.nu/594f

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Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?

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(636): Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general? http://tfl.nu/a6jg

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PS: I just woke up from my shower

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(636): PS: I just woke up from my shower http://tfl.nu/57k9

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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.

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(636): So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN. http://tfl.nu/pnvk

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Last Night in Missouri (636)

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