I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
23 Annoying things Girls Do When They’re Trying To Be Cute
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.