you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
I am so proud to call you my friend
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha