Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
I am so proud to call you my friend