I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The power of my boobs compel you
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.