It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The power of my boobs compel you
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss