Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed