Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (810)

Last Night in Michigan (810)

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I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.

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(810): I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP. http://tfl.nu/97xo

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In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way

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(810): In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way http://tfl.nu/x340

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Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?

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A safari of penis I hurt to the core

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(810): Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas? (1-810): A safari of penis I hurt to the core http://tfl.nu/q0bf

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you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.

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(810): you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam. http://tfl.nu/qr51

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So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.

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this is the most serious roommate agreement ever

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(810): So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way. (989): this is the most serious roommate agreement ever http://tfl.nu/m5zb

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So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.

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They're like sad pomegranates.

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(810): So I went tanning and I burned my boobs. (810): They're like sad pomegranates. http://tfl.nu/z57h

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if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.

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is that what this stuff is?

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(810): if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you. (616): is that what this stuff is? http://tfl.nu/just

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hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list

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haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters

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(810): hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list (989): haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters http://tfl.nu/iy12

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Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?

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(810): Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation? http://tfl.nu/9j5z

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its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU

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(810): its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU http://tfl.nu/okh4

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He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.

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(810): He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me. http://tfl.nu/paz8

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Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.

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Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible

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(248): Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online. (810): Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible http://tfl.nu/lrjw

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Shitshow foam night was such a success

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(810): Shitshow foam night was such a success http://tfl.nu/ts7h

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I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.

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(810): I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you. http://tfl.nu/2b90

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Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?

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(810): Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july? http://tfl.nu/yisd

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Last Night in Michigan (810)

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