I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.