I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home