I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????