he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?