Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.