We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me