That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...