Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something