I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale