I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911