you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.