As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I have tasted many bathrooms
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.