I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.