My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Who died my cat blue again?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.