I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member