My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.