low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Did you poop on the roof?
Is that a no?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.