i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Did you poop on the roof?
Is that a no?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned