Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.