I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
They have beer where we have blood.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son