I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
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I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".