Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Iowa (641)

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  (641): View more from Iowa

  He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?

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  (641): He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy? http://tfl.nu/tf1s
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  Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..

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  (641): Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good.. http://tfl.nu/el3i
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  Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..

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  (641): Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough.. http://tfl.nu/n0x6
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  I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.

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  (641): I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it. http://tfl.nu/0z7a
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  I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.

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  (641): I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change. http://tfl.nu/5jew
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  and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving

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  (641): and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/ilw7
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  As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...

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  (641): As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long... http://tfl.nu/8iqc
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  If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.

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  (641): If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics. http://tfl.nu/etl3
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  She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it

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  (641): She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it http://tfl.nu/mwwo
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  IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.

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  (641): IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS. http://tfl.nu/d7hp
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Why am I always the sober one?

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  Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...

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  (515): Why am I always the sober one? (641): Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power... http://tfl.nu/bz1n
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  Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.

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  (641): Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit. http://tfl.nu/0tmo
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  Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.

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  Oh its going to be that type of weekend?

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  (641): Bring my gorilla suit and my bong. (844): Oh its going to be that type of weekend? http://tfl.nu/0lse
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  Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well

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  (641): Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well http://tfl.nu/dscc
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  But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"

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  (641): But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen" http://tfl.nu/78x7
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