He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.