He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.