Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.