I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now