it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?