I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.