the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor