I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?