Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY