you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?