before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.