No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.