They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
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Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.