Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (956)

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  The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.

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  (956): The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging. http://tfl.nu/1enr
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  Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.

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  (956): Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars. http://tfl.nu/dx00
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  Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life

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  (956): Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life http://tfl.nu/cpkm
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  Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....

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  (956): Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both..... http://tfl.nu/0n6l
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  He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...

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  (956): He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type... http://tfl.nu/bma2
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  found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.

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  (956): found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint. http://tfl.nu/dk3f
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  while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"

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  (956): while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it" http://tfl.nu/f0so
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  Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."

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  (956): Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..." http://tfl.nu/geex
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  Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.

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  (956): Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs. http://tfl.nu/dv3c
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  You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.

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  (956): You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head. http://tfl.nu/2njk
  Replies (22) Good night (5303) Bad night (686)
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  is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?

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  no

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  (956): is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge? (210): no http://tfl.nu/pkgs
  Replies (15) Good night (1547) Bad night (4583)
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  She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.

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  (956): She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy. http://tfl.nu/bi3k
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  It was like little house on the drunk prairie.

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  (956): It was like little house on the drunk prairie. http://tfl.nu/6z1y
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  Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity

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  (956): Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity http://tfl.nu/xcgi
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  im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.

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  (956): im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober. http://tfl.nu/pinp
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