At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.