"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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