I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.