Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Arizona (623)

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  (623): View more from Arizona

  It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.

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  (623): It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too. http://tfl.nu/xu8j
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?

  (1-623): View more from Arizona

  You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.

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  (623): How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you? (1-623): You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror. http://tfl.nu/pl6g
  Replies (10) Good night (557) Bad night (1194)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."

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  (623): Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN." http://tfl.nu/7rib
  Replies (13) Good night (2373) Bad night (746)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!

  (623): View more from Arizona

  It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...

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  (602): If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection! (623): It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now... http://tfl.nu/u3ol
  Replies (6) Good night (1943) Bad night (316)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.

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  (623): By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us. http://tfl.nu/p1x8
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  He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.

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  (623): He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying. http://tfl.nu/tx1i
  Replies (12) Good night (1655) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?

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  (623): Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck? http://tfl.nu/k3jz
  Replies (6) Good night (2047) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
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  I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.

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  (623): I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me. http://tfl.nu/we23
  Replies (5) Good night (1067) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.

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  (623): He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out. http://tfl.nu/ixyd
  Replies (13) Good night (572) Bad night (1754) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.

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  (623): I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard. http://tfl.nu/xo35
  Replies (21) Good night (2129) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  This tent reeks of fear and sangria

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  (623): This tent reeks of fear and sangria http://tfl.nu/pbhq
  Replies (3) Good night (1176) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.

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  (623): As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know. http://tfl.nu/mc6n
  Replies (7) Good night (2055) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.

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  (623): Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight. http://tfl.nu/ky5x
  Replies (3) Good night (1627) Bad night (980)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"

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  (623): No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough" http://tfl.nu/d4rh
  Replies (16) Good night (1232) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.

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  (623): Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes. http://tfl.nu/phpt
  Replies (1) Good night (1272) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt