why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
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all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.