Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill