the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.