its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.