Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers