What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.