I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me