College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.