He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?