my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm