Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Utah (801)

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  (801): View more from Utah

  You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.

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  (801): You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it. http://tfl.nu/4jnb
  Replies (1) Good night (315) Bad night (101) Order T-Shirt
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  Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible

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  (801): Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible http://tfl.nu/ks54
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  I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me

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  (801): I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me http://tfl.nu/6usl
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  Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.

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  (801): Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom. http://tfl.nu/symd
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  Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?

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  (801): Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention? http://tfl.nu/lgvd
  Replies (10) Good night (246) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
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  You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous

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  (801): You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous http://tfl.nu/k8ug
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  Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.

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  (801): Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment. http://tfl.nu/y6m4
  Replies (16) Good night (616) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
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  I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.

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  (801): I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck. http://tfl.nu/p42i
  Replies (1) Good night (697) Bad night (141) Order T-Shirt
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  You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.

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  (801): You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that. http://tfl.nu/if9w
  Replies (1) Good night (547) Bad night (219) Order T-Shirt
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  Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.

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  (801): Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going. http://tfl.nu/a1o5
  Replies (5) Good night (579) Bad night (207)
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  My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".

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  Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.

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  (801): My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt". (801): Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment. http://tfl.nu/n7lf
  Replies (1) Good night (473) Bad night (221)
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  It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion

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  (801): It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion http://tfl.nu/cwcp
  Replies (5) Good night (159) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
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  At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.

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  (801): At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it. http://tfl.nu/2oiv
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  You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?

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  I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.

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  (801): You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address? (650): I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days. http://tfl.nu/fel9
  Replies (3) Good night (785) Bad night (165)
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  I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!

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  (801): I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner! http://tfl.nu/dody
  Replies (4) Good night (564) Bad night (234) Order T-Shirt