What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?