How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German