If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!