Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text