I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
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