That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.