If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.