Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dating After Heartbreak
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?