If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms