dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night