We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Did you poop on the roof?
Is that a no?
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fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.