Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Tennessee (423)

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  Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.

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  (423): Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/3218
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  I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.

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  (423): I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day. http://tfl.nu/soww
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  I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.

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  (423): I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ. http://tfl.nu/ko9e
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  I will cut you

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  Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me

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  Put that in perspective

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  (423): I will cut you (1-423): Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me (423): Put that in perspective http://tfl.nu/op5b
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  I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.

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  (423): I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years. http://tfl.nu/oqic
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  You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.

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  strike, motherfucker.

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  (423): You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em. (423): strike, motherfucker. http://tfl.nu/ain2
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  I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.

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  (423): I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud. http://tfl.nu/10lu
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  Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility

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  (423): Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility http://tfl.nu/hzzw
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  I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.

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  (423): I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex. http://tfl.nu/g9ms
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  I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees

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  (423): I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees http://tfl.nu/90bg
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  Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.

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  (423): Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows. http://tfl.nu/mbnt
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  It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.

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  (423): It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin. http://tfl.nu/eslz
  Replies (5) Good night (2003) Bad night (442)
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  He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."

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  (423): He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.." http://tfl.nu/dapq
  Replies (10) Good night (1903) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
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  Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...

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  (423): Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight... http://tfl.nu/fo5y
  Replies (10) Good night (1218) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
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  take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.

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  (423): take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me. http://tfl.nu/qdcc
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