Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.