I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
its liver damage thursday
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?