You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.