I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms