i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?