Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Missouri (816)

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown

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  (816): Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown http://tfl.nu/kwyi
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  Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?

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  Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.

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  (573): Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls? (816): Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do. http://tfl.nu/ewbx
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  I'm drunk at 3:28

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  I'm jealous as shit at 3:34

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  (913): I'm drunk at 3:28 (816): I'm jealous as shit at 3:34 http://tfl.nu/umrv
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  took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning

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  (816): took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning http://tfl.nu/ad92
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  I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.

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  (816): I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome. http://tfl.nu/4io1
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  Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.

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  (816): Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire. http://tfl.nu/gpak
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  I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.

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  (816): I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night. http://tfl.nu/an2g
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  Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.

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  (816): Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard. http://tfl.nu/x9vd
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  Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.

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  (816): Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on. http://tfl.nu/u2o1
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  I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.

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  (816): I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs. http://tfl.nu/pv3i
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  He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.

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  (816): He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken. http://tfl.nu/2q6x
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  hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?

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  yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward

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  (660): hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv? (816): yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward http://tfl.nu/dn5c
  Replies (12) Good night (1183) Bad night (182)
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  One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!

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  (816): One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays! http://tfl.nu/bzpk
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  TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.

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  (816): TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN. http://tfl.nu/24ey
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  Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me

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  (816): Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me http://tfl.nu/eiw2
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