Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit