He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.