so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?