WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.