I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Found your bra
Hanging in the tree
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.