You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Found your bra
Hanging in the tree
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
how drunk are you?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere