When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
how drunk are you?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Bring me that man meat
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?