Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (818)

Last Night in California (818)

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Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award

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(818): Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award http://tfl.nu/89h0

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I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.

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(818): I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking. http://tfl.nu/j1uf

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Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.

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(818): Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works. http://tfl.nu/ca8d

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I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras

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(818): I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras http://tfl.nu/7rs3

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it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.

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(818): it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny. http://tfl.nu/aua9

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I'm like cupid

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You're a whore with a bow and arrow

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(818): I'm like cupid (1-818): You're a whore with a bow and arrow http://tfl.nu/a0h0

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I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter

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(818): I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter http://tfl.nu/u1op

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so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?

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by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ

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(310): so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA? (818): by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ http://tfl.nu/5i2r

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Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.

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(818): Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical. http://tfl.nu/onyl

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I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.

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(818): I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch. http://tfl.nu/o7me

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That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff

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(818): That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff http://tfl.nu/4b3c

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you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me

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(818): you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me http://tfl.nu/nn6b

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Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks

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(818): Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks http://tfl.nu/wbdh

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I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.

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(818): I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got. http://tfl.nu/vmp4

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She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.

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(818): She made Precious look like a solid 6.5. http://tfl.nu/qn24

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Last Night in California (818)

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