By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.