The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.