There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.