He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos