you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n