Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.