i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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