HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!