Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Brunswick (506)

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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am

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  (506): Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am http://tfl.nu/i89z
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  I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.

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  (506): I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks. http://tfl.nu/uhzd
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  i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea

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  (506): i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea http://tfl.nu/yqel
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  I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.

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  (506): I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work. http://tfl.nu/gsqk
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  Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.

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  (506): Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it. http://tfl.nu/c7ua
  Replies (5) Good night (344) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
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  Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.

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  (506): Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression. http://tfl.nu/0vde
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  There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.

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  (506): There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet. http://tfl.nu/yw9h
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  He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?

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  (506): He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that? http://tfl.nu/rfrq
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  Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.

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  (506): Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home. http://tfl.nu/evwu
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  The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker

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  (506): The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker http://tfl.nu/zneu
  Replies (4) Good night (258) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
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  Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?

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  (506): Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs? http://tfl.nu/qbtb
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  I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.

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  (506): I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow. http://tfl.nu/72sd
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  HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?

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  (506): HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!? http://tfl.nu/h0ub
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  Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?

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  (506): Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant? http://tfl.nu/bdft
  Replies (3) Good night (609) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
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  Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.

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  (506): Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second. http://tfl.nu/am2u
  Replies (1) Good night (1115) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt