got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.