I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS