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when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
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