Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (585)

Last Night in New York (585)

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when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

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(585): when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood http://tfl.nu/vfy0

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well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me

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(585): well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me http://tfl.nu/wu1p

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there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk

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(585): there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk http://tfl.nu/9sjy

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you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it

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(585): you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it http://tfl.nu/37fg

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Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.

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(585): Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven. http://tfl.nu/xlkq

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If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.

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(585): If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat. http://tfl.nu/1cgn

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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

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It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly

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(585): Why was I handcuffed to the roof? (518): It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly http://tfl.nu/nk88

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I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.

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(585): I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet. http://tfl.nu/fy09

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If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays

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(585): If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays http://tfl.nu/yd37

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he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?

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(585): he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is? http://tfl.nu/uyol

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I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.

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(585): I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys. http://tfl.nu/354b

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he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice

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(585): he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice http://tfl.nu/25gk

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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.

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(585): He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials. http://tfl.nu/lmhg

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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.

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(585): My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home. http://tfl.nu/zb6p

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She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.

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(585): She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings. http://tfl.nu/pz3m

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Last Night in New York (585)

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