Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...