we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
