We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
