Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.