Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular