Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Washington (509)

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  My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.

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  (509): My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood. http://tfl.nu/0wqb
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  Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.

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  (509): Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself. http://tfl.nu/tjqn
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  We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler

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  (509): We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler http://tfl.nu/7vbk
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  Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.

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  (509): Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year. http://tfl.nu/o1qc
  Replies (8) Good night (1598) Bad night (310)
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  Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart

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  (509): Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart http://tfl.nu/gb8n
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  no you're not allowed back

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  come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night

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  (509): no you're not allowed back (412): come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night http://tfl.nu/ng3d
  Replies (3) Good night (1204) Bad night (263)
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  also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.

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  (509): also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight. http://tfl.nu/qnxk
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  you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.

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  (509): you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever. http://tfl.nu/fzjz
  Replies (10) Good night (430) Bad night (1921)
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  i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron

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  (509): i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron http://tfl.nu/ihph
  Replies (13) Good night (929) Bad night (393)
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  We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.

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  You had me at shuffleboard and strippers

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  (509): We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers. (1-509): You had me at shuffleboard and strippers http://tfl.nu/do6h
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  Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?

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  (509): Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right? http://tfl.nu/bnll
  Replies (16) Good night (1418) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
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  Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes

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  (509): Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes http://tfl.nu/fkbb
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  I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..

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  (509): I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today.. http://tfl.nu/chp9
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  I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate

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  (509): I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate http://tfl.nu/14fu
  Replies (5) Good night (1738) Bad night (278) Order T-Shirt
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  Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom

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  (509): Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom http://tfl.nu/fom9
  Replies (18) Good night (2858) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt