Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!