I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.