I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.