We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm too high and old for this...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!