Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm too high and old for this...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.