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I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
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