Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (850)

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  (850): View more from Florida

  I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.

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  (850): I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again. http://tfl.nu/tqvr
  Replies (4) Good night (462) Bad night (84) Order T-Shirt
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  We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go

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  (850): We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go http://tfl.nu/28iq
  Replies (4) Good night (257) Bad night (95) Order T-Shirt
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  So this bar tattoo not looking that great now

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  (850): So this bar tattoo not looking that great now http://tfl.nu/4o0g
  Replies (6) Good night (119) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
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  You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line

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  (850): You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line http://tfl.nu/4oya
  Replies (3) Good night (457) Bad night (136) Order T-Shirt
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  Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.

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  (850): Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one. http://tfl.nu/2j08
  Replies (3) Good night (613) Bad night (81) Order T-Shirt
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  Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.

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  (850): Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore. http://tfl.nu/g2ed
  Replies (2) Good night (181) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
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  Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.

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  (850): Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too. http://tfl.nu/dtev
  Replies (8) Good night (408) Bad night (130) Order T-Shirt
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  Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.

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  (850): Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful. http://tfl.nu/7o2z
  Replies (4) Good night (588) Bad night (166) Order T-Shirt
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  I'd cum for enchiladas.

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  (850): I'd cum for enchiladas. http://tfl.nu/lnb5
  Replies (2) Good night (446) Bad night (185) Order T-Shirt
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  I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.

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  (850): I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute. http://tfl.nu/idmm
  Replies (2) Good night (1045) Bad night (194)
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  I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.

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  (850): I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm. http://tfl.nu/9wk9
  Replies (2) Good night (416) Bad night (174) Order T-Shirt
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  Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.

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  (850): Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon. http://tfl.nu/pq1b
  Replies (4) Good night (293) Bad night (689)
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  I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date

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  (850): I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date http://tfl.nu/9qn8
  Replies (3) Good night (180) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
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  These people don't understand my stages of drunk

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  (850): These people don't understand my stages of drunk http://tfl.nu/g6eb
  Replies (2) Good night (362) Bad night (142) Order T-Shirt
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  I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.

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  (850): I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet. http://tfl.nu/wt7c
  Replies (3) Good night (519) Bad night (206)