Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......