Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you