we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are