Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Maryland (301)

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble

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  (301): And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble http://tfl.nu/0x8g
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  why would you automatically assume i'm high...

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  you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.

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  (301): why would you automatically assume i'm high... (240): you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix. http://tfl.nu/8cui
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  He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.

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  (301): He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis. http://tfl.nu/pct3
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  His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.

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  I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.

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  (301): His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy. (1-301): I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok. http://tfl.nu/z40b
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  But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you

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  (301): But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you http://tfl.nu/si0a
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  "Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.

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  (301): "Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there. http://tfl.nu/ru2o
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  Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up

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  (301): Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up http://tfl.nu/i9yn
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  I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.

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  (301): I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now. http://tfl.nu/ln6x
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  Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.

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  (301): Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces. http://tfl.nu/8qa1
  Replies (14) Good night (508) Bad night (2245)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I'm wearing red that night.

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  Noted, what shade?

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Whore.

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  (202): I'm wearing red that night. (301): Noted, what shade? (202): Whore. http://tfl.nu/7182
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  When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.

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  Did you reintroduce yourself?

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  He threatened to call the cops.

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  (407): When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house. (301): Did you reintroduce yourself? (407): He threatened to call the cops. http://tfl.nu/0bcc
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.

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  (301): he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again. http://tfl.nu/vkbm
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  Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras

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  (301): Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras http://tfl.nu/fw4u
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  Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often

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  (301): Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often http://tfl.nu/2a6o
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  my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook

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  (301): my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook http://tfl.nu/xr9p
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