The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.