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Last Night in Maryland (301)

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I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan

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(301): I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan http://tfl.nu/1x19

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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.

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(301): A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it. http://tfl.nu/f0y3

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Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.

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(301): Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher. http://tfl.nu/xgiu

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Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities

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(301): Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities http://tfl.nu/tvfe

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The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot

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(301): The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot http://tfl.nu/zrh0

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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.

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You have a very discerning palate.

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(410): It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze. (301): You have a very discerning palate. http://tfl.nu/r2sj

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Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.

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(301): Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you. http://tfl.nu/00du

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Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?

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It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.

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(301): Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one? (1-301): It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem. http://tfl.nu/x27d

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The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.

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Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.

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(240): The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off. (301): Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes. http://tfl.nu/qb2k

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You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there

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(301): You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there http://tfl.nu/jnb5

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by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.

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(301): by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can. http://tfl.nu/1yox

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I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America

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(301): I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America http://tfl.nu/e24l

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You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.

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(301): You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight. http://tfl.nu/hmqk

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Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?

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Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.

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(443): Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers? (301): Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis. http://tfl.nu/hcxa

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He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.

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(301): He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession. http://tfl.nu/9fz9

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Last Night in Maryland (301)

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