Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
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