Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours