Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We have so much sex to catch up on
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Follow @tfln