Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?