Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Alberta (587)

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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Cockoligist

  (587): View more from Alberta

  Yes, one may refer to me as that.

  (587): View more from Alberta

  I should make business cards.

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  (780): Cockoligist (587): Yes, one may refer to me as that. (587): I should make business cards. http://tfl.nu/nsw3
  Replies (8) Good night (645) Bad night (231)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...

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  (587): The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort... http://tfl.nu/arh5
  Replies (3) Good night (953) Bad night (228) Order T-Shirt
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck

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  (587): So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes. (403): Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck http://tfl.nu/3zrr
  Replies (7) Good night (1522) Bad night (825)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?

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  (587): I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it? http://tfl.nu/0nlc
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?

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  (587): Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature? http://tfl.nu/gy0w
  Replies (7) Good night (1170) Bad night (266)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.

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  (587): It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse. http://tfl.nu/f8ym
  Replies (3) Good night (1022) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?

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  (587): Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant? http://tfl.nu/fsev
  Replies (11) Good night (1211) Bad night (1448) Order T-Shirt
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.

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  (587): Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear. http://tfl.nu/o88n
  Replies (10) Good night (440) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.

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  (587): You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month. http://tfl.nu/i8z5
  Replies (15) Good night (1950) Bad night (588)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..

  (587): View more from Alberta

  Wow. We're meant to be..

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  (403): I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask.. (587): Wow. We're meant to be.. http://tfl.nu/3d3s
  Replies (13) Good night (2492) Bad night (491)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!

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  (587): Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?! http://tfl.nu/tyzg
  Replies (19) Good night (2083) Bad night (588)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.

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  (587): Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch. http://tfl.nu/ad1t
  Replies (6) Good night (2157) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap

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  (587): Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap http://tfl.nu/qxhg
  Replies (10) Good night (2927) Bad night (790)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.

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  (587): Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is. http://tfl.nu/4v3e
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween

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  (587): My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween http://tfl.nu/z2rb
  Replies (15) Good night (2958) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt