Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success