Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success