What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.