No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!