i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.