Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (619)

Last Night in California (619)

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(619): View more from California

Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?

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(619): Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out? http://tfl.nu/ne0t

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Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?

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(619): Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit? http://tfl.nu/j01e

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Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats

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(619): Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats http://tfl.nu/741y

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Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.

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(619): Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming. http://tfl.nu/68ul

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So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.

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(619): So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole. http://tfl.nu/on15

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Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich

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(619): Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich http://tfl.nu/84vp

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I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening

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(619): I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening http://tfl.nu/88kw

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I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!

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(619): I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends! http://tfl.nu/6jqq

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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing

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Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this

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...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...

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(619): You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing (1-619): Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this (619): ...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down... http://tfl.nu/uvgk

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We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.

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I will find you...

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(818): We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank. (619): I will find you... http://tfl.nu/dshk

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We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.

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(619): We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows. http://tfl.nu/xsuo

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He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.

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he what???

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Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.

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(760): He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came. (619): he what??? (760): Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans. http://tfl.nu/7sag

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I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?

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(619): I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in? http://tfl.nu/31ig

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He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.

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(619): He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft. http://tfl.nu/kmfz

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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it

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(619): The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it http://tfl.nu/3uov

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Last Night in California (619)

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