If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...