I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Everclear isn't food dammit