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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
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