How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
21 â€˜Donâ€™t Say Itâ€™ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!