I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I want a musical about memes.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard