It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I want a musical about memes.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT