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I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
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