Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (814)

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  I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"

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  (814): I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!" http://tfl.nu/71ex
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  I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.

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  (814): I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution. http://tfl.nu/kc8l
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  Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog

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  Do u remember buying that

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  I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo

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  (732): Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog (814): Do u remember buying that (732): I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo http://tfl.nu/x02b
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  He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.

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  Exactly how many...is TOO many?

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  (814): He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it. (1-814): Exactly how many...is TOO many? http://tfl.nu/64i7
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  I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave

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  (814): I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave http://tfl.nu/mtmf
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  Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"

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  (814): Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!" http://tfl.nu/rgls
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  He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.

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  God I hope the sex was good.

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  (814): He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie. (1-814): God I hope the sex was good. http://tfl.nu/1yhc
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  There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.

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  (814): There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer. http://tfl.nu/un9n
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  I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.

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  (814): I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount. http://tfl.nu/e0cf
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  Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome

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  (814): Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome http://tfl.nu/l5b3
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  My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.

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  (814): My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night. http://tfl.nu/obx4
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  He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.

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  Why did you want to do any of that?

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  If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.

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  (814): He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away. (1-814): Why did you want to do any of that? (814): If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them. http://tfl.nu/bo9q
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  I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.

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  (814): I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag. http://tfl.nu/1d0d
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  how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?

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  (814): how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus? http://tfl.nu/r0fm
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  Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make

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  (814): Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make http://tfl.nu/r41j
  Replies (7) Good night (755) Bad night (191)