I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped