Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.