You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
are you still alive?
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard