She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
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Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.