I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions