its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
are you still alive?
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.