can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.