Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
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